Is Social Media Eroding Our Sense of Object Permanence?
In a world where we are perpetually connected and always one click away from knowing what others are doing, thinking, or feeling, the ability to mentally "hold" the existence of people, information, or experiences when they are no longer immediately visible may be weakening.
This concept, which developmental psychologists refer to as object permanence, typically describes an infant's understanding that objects continue to exist even when they are out of sight. However, could this fundamental cognitive skill be affected by our constant use of social media?
Object permanence may seem like an abstract idea in this context, but the comparison is apt. If, as adults, we are struggling with the patience and emotional endurance that used to accompany our understanding of the world beyond immediate sensory experience, social media might be partly to blame. This think piece explores how social media is changing our relationship with object permanence—not in the developmental sense, but in how we navigate relationships, information, and even our own sense of self in a hyper-connected world.
The Erosion of Patience and Presence
Social media platforms thrive on instant gratification. Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok are designed to keep us engaged with constant updates, likes, comments, and notifications. These dopamine hits are addictive, keeping users returning for more. However, this instant feedback loop may be shortening our ability to delay gratification or tolerate ambiguity.
Traditionally, when you didn’t hear from someone for a while, there was an implicit trust that the person still existed, that they were thinking of you, or that your connection would resume when the time was right. Today, people may struggle with this, developing anxiety when they aren’t plugged into their social networks. If someone doesn’t like your post, respond to your message, or engage frequently, doubts about the relationship can creep in. It’s almost as if relationships cease to exist unless they are actively maintained through posts and interactions.
This is a subtle shift. The notion that people, memories, or information only "exist" when you engage with them on social media mirrors the developmental challenge of object permanence. The result? An impatience that doesn’t just diminish attention spans, but also reduces the emotional endurance required to manage long-term relationships and goals.
Ghosting: A New Paradigm of Absence
Consider the growing phenomenon of ghosting—when someone suddenly cuts off all communication without explanation. While ghosting has always existed in some form, social media and digital communication make it easier. Relationships, friendships, and even work connections can disappear overnight. This creates a sense of uncertainty, as if people can vanish as easily as closing a browser window.
When ghosting happens, the object permanence of the relationship is undermined. People struggle with the idea that someone who was once consistently present in their lives can simply cease to exist. There’s a broader emotional implication: If relationships can dissolve without explanation, the permanence of any connection feels more tenuous.
In the past, absence might have been explained by geographical distance or time constraints, but digital life has reduced those barriers. We’ve come to expect immediate communication, and when that expectation isn’t met, the psychological toll is akin to losing something tangible.
The Algorithmic Disappearance of Information
It’s not just relationships that suffer from this new digital dynamic; our interaction with information does, too. Social media algorithms are designed to show us content that is most engaging or profitable for the platform. This means that posts, ideas, or even people that once appeared regularly in our feeds can quickly become invisible if they fall out of the algorithm’s favor. This selective presentation of reality mirrors the way an infant who hasn’t developed object permanence believes that when something is out of sight, it has ceased to exist.
In today’s media ecosystem, if something isn’t trending or algorithmically highlighted, it might as well not exist. This has a profound impact on how we process information. We might struggle to hold onto complex or long-term ideas because they aren't frequently refreshed by our feeds. In a world of endless scrolling, content from a week ago feels distant, even irrelevant.
Our Digital Selves: A Need for Constant Presence
Another critical way social media disrupts object permanence is in the maintenance of our own digital presence. Many people feel the need to post regularly to remind others (and perhaps themselves) that they are relevant, active, and "present." When users stop posting, they often feel invisible, forgotten by their digital community.
This constant need for validation can weaken one’s sense of self outside the digital world. If your identity or sense of worth is constantly tied to your online visibility, it creates a fragile self-perception that must be consistently reinforced. Here, the idea of object permanence is at play: users must actively remind the world they exist to feel validated.
A Culture of Forgetting
Social media’s built-in mechanisms encourage forgetting. Posts, trends, and news stories are quickly replaced, creating a never-ending churn of content. In many ways, we’ve come to expect this, and perhaps even feel comforted by it. But the downside is that it discourages depth—of thought, relationships, and experiences.
Because of this, social media subtly shifts us away from a mindset of permanence. Instead, we develop an ever-present fear of missing out (FOMO), where the threat of irrelevance looms large. Whether it’s maintaining our online identity, consuming the latest viral post, or keeping up with our social circles, this culture fosters a sense of instability.
Reclaiming a Sense of Permanence
As social media continues to shape our lives, it’s essential to recognize the ways it might be influencing how we think, feel, and engage with the world. Developing a strong sense of object permanence—whether in relationships, knowledge, or self-perception—requires slowing down, practicing patience, and disconnecting from the constant noise.
We need to remind ourselves that relationships can exist even without a "like," information has value even when it’s not on our feed, and our sense of self is not dependent on how often we post. In a world of hyperconnectivity, we must consciously reclaim the permanence of what matters most.
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