Why Do I Get Anxious About Answering Phone Calls but Not Texts?
If you’ve ever felt your heart race when your phone rings but feel perfectly fine texting, you’re not alone. Phone call anxiety—sometimes called telephobia—is a common experience, even among people who are otherwise comfortable with communication. But why does this happen?
In a world increasingly dominated by text-based interactions, the idea of picking up a call can feel daunting. This article explores the psychological and social reasons behind phone call anxiety, why texting feels safer, and what you can do to overcome it if it’s interfering with your daily life.
The Psychology Behind Phone Call Anxiety
Phone call anxiety can stem from various cognitive, emotional, and social factors. Here’s why some people experience discomfort with calls but not with texting:
1. Lack of Preparation Time
One of the biggest advantages of texting is that it allows for asynchronous communication—you can take your time to craft a response. Phone calls, on the other hand, require instantaneous thinking and reaction. This can be overwhelming, especially for those who prefer to think through their words carefully.
Studies on cognitive load suggest that being put on the spot can increase anxiety levels because our brains have to process information and respond quickly (Sweller, 1988). For some people, this demand for instant communication triggers stress and avoidance.
2. Fear of Being Misunderstood
Texting provides the ability to edit, revise, and clarify messages before sending them. Phone calls, however, remove that buffer, increasing the likelihood of saying something awkward or unclear.
For individuals who experience social anxiety, this fear of being misinterpreted can be a major source of stress (Levinson & Rodebaugh, 2016). They may worry about their tone, phrasing, or even speaking too fast or too slow.
3. No Non-Verbal Cues
While texting lacks vocal tone, it allows for emojis, punctuation, and structured sentences that help convey intent. Face-to-face conversations, in contrast, provide body language and facial expressions to clarify meaning.
Phone calls sit in an awkward middle ground—they remove body language while still requiring immediate verbal communication. This makes it harder to gauge the other person’s reactions, leading to uncertainty and anxiety.
4. The Expectation of a Real-Time Response
Texting allows for delayed responses, which means there’s less pressure to get everything right in the moment. With a phone call, there’s a perceived expectation to be engaged immediately.
For people who experience performance anxiety or have an overactive inner critic, this pressure can make them feel like they’re being judged on their speaking skills (Clark & Wells, 1995).
5. Unpredictability & Lack of Control
A phone call interrupts whatever we’re doing, often without warning. The unpredictability of an incoming call can create a sense of loss of control, leading to anxiety.
This is particularly true for individuals with introverted tendencies, who may feel drained by spontaneous social interaction (Cain, 2012). Unlike texting, where conversations unfold at a comfortable pace, phone calls feel more like a demand for immediate attention.
6. Fear of Awkward Silences
In texts, pauses between messages are natural. In a phone call, however, silence can feel uncomfortable or even socially unacceptable. Some people feel pressure to fill gaps in conversation, leading to nervousness about running out of things to say.
This is linked to the negativity bias, a psychological tendency to over-focus on negative experiences (Baumeister et al., 2001). Even if a phone conversation goes well, the memory of an awkward silence may overshadow the positive parts.
7. Bad Past Experiences
Some people develop phone anxiety after negative experiences—such as receiving bad news over the phone, being put on the spot in work calls, or dealing with telemarketers. If someone associates phone calls with stressful situations, they may begin to avoid them altogether (Mineka & Zinbarg, 2006).
Why Texting Feels Safer
Now that we understand why phone calls can be anxiety-inducing, let’s explore why texting often feels like the more comfortable option:
Time to Think → You can pause, reflect, and edit before responding.
No Pressure for Instant Responses → You control the pacing of the conversation.
Easier to Multi-Task → Texting allows you to continue other activities while communicating.
Less Emotionally Draining → No need to decode tone of voice or worry about immediate reactions.
More Anonymity → It feels less vulnerable compared to a live voice interaction.
How to Overcome Phone Call Anxiety
If phone call anxiety is affecting your personal or professional life, there are strategies to make calls feel less intimidating:
1. Start Small with Low-Stakes Calls
Begin by calling a trusted friend or family member for short conversations. Gradually increase the length and complexity of your calls over time.
2. Prepare Talking Points
Before making a call, jot down key points you want to cover. Having a structure reduces the pressure of thinking on the spot.
3. Practice Breathing Techniques
Deep breathing exercises, like the 4-7-8 method (inhaling for 4 seconds, holding for 7, exhaling for 8), can calm your nervous system before and during a call.
4. Normalize Pauses
It’s okay to take a moment to gather your thoughts. Instead of panicking over silence, say "Let me think about that for a second" to give yourself time.
5. Use Exposure Therapy
Gradually expose yourself to phone calls in a controlled way. Studies show that repeated exposure to anxiety-provoking situations can desensitize fear responses over time (Hofmann & Smits, 2008).
6. Reframe Negative Thoughts
Challenge anxious thoughts by asking yourself:
What’s the worst that can happen?
How likely is that really to happen?
Would I judge someone else for the same thing?
7. Consider Therapy
If phone call anxiety is severe and interfering with your life, therapy—especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)—can be highly effective in reducing anxiety around verbal communication.
Simply Put
Feeling anxious about answering phone calls but not texts is entirely normal. It stems from a mix of cognitive overload, lack of control, social pressure, and fear of being judged. Texting, on the other hand, provides a safer and more controlled form of communication, making it the preferred choice for many.
If phone anxiety is holding you back, small behavioural shifts—such as gradual exposure, preparation techniques, and cognitive reframing—can help you build confidence and make phone calls feel less intimidating.